I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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