Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
