wrigley field is MILF paradise
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
