using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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