I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
