Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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