I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
