Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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