how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
