i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
so that wasnt chicken after all
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
