i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
