Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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