I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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