I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
