who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
