pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
