he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
did i walk over a car last night?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
