I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
