Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
