marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
