Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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