My first STD was from a foam party
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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