I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
