Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize