the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
