can we get nightvision for the apartment?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
