oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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