Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We are two peas in an std pod
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize