i will never coherently bang her
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
