Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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