I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
