i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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