I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
