Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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