He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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