I seem to have left my pride at pride
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
