have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
