I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
