Where are you?
In a non slutty way
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
