I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
