there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
