I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
