I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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