Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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