Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
