evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
