So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
