There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Verdict: uncircumcised.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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