I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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