this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
