My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
