wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
