Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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