He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
