woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
she looked like the before picture.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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