God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize