So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
