I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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