Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
