I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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