i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Randomize
