Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
