I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
