SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize