I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
