I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
operation have a gay friend backfired
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
