You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
