We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
