I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
