You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
