my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
