dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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