id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
