now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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