I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Who died my cat blue again?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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