I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
