last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Too much gin, very little bucket
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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