How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
