I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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