yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i believe in u and ur pee
Text me some of your sweat
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
