Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
