Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
