Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
