is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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