So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
