If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
