when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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