he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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