yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
