A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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