that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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