the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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