i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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