You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize