so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
