My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
