Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize