The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
