Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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