I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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