I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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