I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
