i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
