If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
