I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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