i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize