Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
