what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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